Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Booty Call Confusion
The guy would contact the girl. Or vice versa. In my day (yes, I said "my day") we did it by telephone. A land line phone at that.
Guy: "Hey, baby. Wanna get together?"
Guy: "Release some pent up frustrations. Ya know?"
Girl: "Sure! Your place or mine?"
And there ya have it. The literal booty call. It's not like that anymore. There's a new term for sex these days. It is called.........wait for it......hanging out.
What the hell? How am I supposed to know what that means? Should I go by the time of night? A guy came over one time at about 10:30 pm to "watch movies" as he put it. Guess what happened? We literally watched movies. Two of them to be exact.
Then I had another feller tell me he wanted to come over and hang out. This was around 8ish in the evening. I fell asleep on his shoulder to wake up to him plundering me. All that was missing was a parrot and him saying "Ahoy Mattie!" After that, I made a rule that no guy was ever stepping foot into my humble abode again.
I don't like being plundered without my consent of said plundering.
The terminology these days doesn't make much sense. I like hanging out and watching movies. There's nothing better than curling up to a good smelling member of the opposite sex and watching a really awesome horror movie. Throw in some popcorn and a Pepsi, and I'm in dork heaven. But, I don't know how to discern between "hanging out" and "booty call".
I guess I could take the straight forward approach. Let's imagine the conversation. Shall we?
Him: "Hey, what are you doing tonight?"
Me: "Nothing much. You?"
Him: "Nada. Was wondering if you wanted to come over and hang out and watch a movie?"
Me: "What movie did you have in mind?"
Him: "Doesn't really matter. I'll let you pick it out."
Me: "So, ok. Are we actually going to watch a movie? Or is that code for sex?"
Him: "Uh. Um.....not sure."
Me: "I need to know what to expect."
Him: "Well, now that you've mentioned it, I was hoping we'd end up having sex."
Me: "So, your plan is to begin with a movie and end the night with sex? Am I correct in my summation?"
Him: "You are correct."
Me: "Does that mean that you just want casual sex? If I enjoy my encounter with you, does that leave you open to have more sex? Or is this going to be a one time deal?"
Him: "Uh. Yeah....right. I gotta go. I think my mom is calling me."
Hey, don't judge. Traveling for a booty call is a risky venture with gas at $3.49 a gallon. Don't you think?