Sunday, August 8, 2010

My Nemesis

There are certain people in the world. Those who can walk through air without problems and those that can't. I am the latter.

I noticed it at an early age. I believe I was about 6 when my little friend asked me to skip with her to the sandbox. We grabbed each other's hand and proceeded to make our way. At the time, I did not know how treacherous thin air could be. I quickly learned as I tripped and went crashing to the ground. Startled, I looked around to see when had caused my fall. There was nothing.

I learned two things that day. (1)You can not trust air. (2)It helps to have a sense of humor.

Things have not gotten any better with age. I went from tripping on my way to the sandbox to falling as I cut grass. I have tried to pull off the seductive lean in a door frame stance while talking to a good looking men. However, at the last minute, the door frame moved and I fell to the floor; causing injury, not only to my body, but to my ego as well.

I blame the air for my troubles. How else can you explain landing on the floor when I was sitting in a chair? Or, better yet, how can you explain the time I went to sit in my car and hit the ground instead? I believe it was the air that moved the vehicle.

It's a terrible ordeal for me. Everyday I am conscious of the fact that the very element that sustains life, is out to end mine. While others can walk down steps or climb up stairs with no worries, I hesitate. I know the air's lurking all around me. It tries to lure me into a false sense of security as it waits patiently to strike. I can feel the grip of its evil clutches, as the air swirls around my ankles causing my to fall as I try in vain to grab on to anything for support.

It also shoves me.

The shoving is the worse. I went to hug a friend of mine the other day. Instead of hugging, I fell on him. Poor thing probably thought I was suffering from an aneurysm of some sort. I have walked along a wall, only to find myself walking into it instead of parallel to it. You can thank the air for that. It likes to shove me into the hardest thing it can find.

I am not giving up. I will defeat air. I haven't exactly figured out how I am going to get the upper hand; but I will. One day, the air will not be such a bully. It will not shove me into parked cars, throw me up against walls, or trip me as I am walking on flat surfaces. One day, I say! One day, the air will do the job it is meant to do. Not the job it wants to do.

Until then, I urge all of you to proceed with caution. The air is all around you. And it is evil....

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