I'm a little skittish these days. I want to put my foot into the dating pool, but I'm not quite ready to feel how hot the water is. I don't like the feeling of being burned. No one does. So, I have to wrestle with the question of whether or not the search for finding that special someone is worth the risk of running into the ones that aren't that special at all.
I wasn't always this way. Along time ago, I was the heart breaker. And I definitely broke a lot of hearts. Maybe karma is trying her best to show me what getting your heart trampled on feels like. If that is the case, she can stop now. It only took one time to show me. I don't need a concession of heartbreaks, thank you very much.
I went out on date Saturday night. I went out on my "perfect date". Meaning, we cuddled up on the couch and watched horror movies. We laughed and talked. I enjoyed myself so much that I went back out with him on Sunday out to eat. Laughing and talking followed. He's a nice guy. Laid back and relaxed, just the way I like them. I have known him since high school, so he's not a total stranger to me.
The problem is is that I am coming out of a ten year relationship. Ten years of carrying the weight of someone else. Ten years of answering to someone else. Ten years of walking around on my tip toes; afraid to anger my significant other. Cautious of his feelings; unable to speak my mind. I feel like I have been in shackles for so long, that I'm still trying to rub the imprints off of my ankles. I am just not quite ready to go out and get a brand new pair.
There is also the fact that I still have not gotten back on my feet. I don't really have anything to offer anyone else. At this point in the game, I am nothing more than good company. Good for a laugh and an ear when someone needs to chat.
I don't want to string anyone along. My friend told me that if someone (anyone) likes me, they'll wait out my skittishness. He said I was worth the wait. And I agree with him. I am a fabulous catch.
But, I kind of feel sorry for the next man that happens to catch me and shackle me down. He is going to get an out spoken girl who's a little quirky.
And I ain't changing for no one.